Modern Women Are Exhausted; & How We Can Begin to Heal
Scenario: An early to mid-twenties woman sets out to conquer the working world, filled with promise and the energy to “girlboss” her way up the corporate ladder. She works incredibly hard, putting in overtime to prove her worth, never missing a deadline, and consistently showing up for her boss and colleagues, sometimes even at the expense of her romantic or social life. Her worth is defined by her productivity.
Fast forward to her thirties: she enters a partnership or marriage while continuing to be highly productive. Thoughts about aging begin to crop up. She begins to worry that she looks different, that her changing body or the first signs of wrinkles are apparent to others. She starts investing time, money, and energy into “looking younger” by adding a vigorous workout routine and purchasing the latest skincare products that promise to keep her ageless.
By this time, she and her partner have decided to start a family. Pregnancy comes with enormous mental and physical challenges, but she is a fighter, and her productivity continues to soar. When the baby arrives, she is faced with an enormous existential challenge. Does she step away from the career she has worked so incredibly hard for? Or does she sacrifice precious time with her infant to remain relevant in a job she ties her identity to?
Ultimately, she decides to take maternity leave. While she maintains that she made the right decision for her family, she is humbled by the demands of motherhood. Her changing hormones, the lack of sleep, and the physical toll of pregnancy and breastfeeding leave her feeling exhausted on a visceral level; yet she maintains appearances. She continues to push herself to stay on top of everything: the baby, the household, family, friends, groceries, finances, her appearance, her physique, and more.
Her return to work is anxiety-provoking. She must adjust to her new reality with a child in full-time care. Her brain and DNA have been wired for full-time mothering, and her heart breaks as she is forced to readjust to work mode in a matter of days. She still has not fully recovered from giving birth. Her energy is nowhere near what it once was. Her thoughts are consumed with her child’s well-being.
She finds it difficult to focus on work, but also unable to fully focus on her child. Guilt sets in. She chastises herself for not being able to give herself fully to her job as she had in the past. She is so focused on her new reality that she has little time for herself. Her nutrition suffers, she has no energy for the gym, and she cannot find a moment for the friendships she once held so dear. She is too exhausted to be present in her marriage. For the first time in her life, she feels like a complete failure.
This is not only my story, but it mirrors the story of so many women. It highlights the impossible standard that the modern woman is expected to meet, and the guilt and shame we internalize when we fall short.
Reflections on a System That Falls Short
It has taken me years to understand that my difficulty in balancing a full-time career with motherhood was not a personal shortcoming or character flaw, but rather a reflection of the fact that society was not designed for women to function at this level. Societal structures: workplaces, family systems, and social expectations, were developed during a time when roles within the household were very different. Historically, many families operated with one primary income earner managing finances and one primary caregiver managing the home and family.
Today, however, women are often expected to participate fully in the workforce while also continuing to carry most of the caregiving and emotional labor within the home. In essence, many women are trying to fill what were once two full-time roles simultaneously.
Beyond physical tasks, many women carry what is known as the mental load of the household. This refers to the constant cognitive effort involved in planning, organizing, and anticipating what needs to be done. This includes tasks such as meal planning, packing lunches, grocery shopping, remembering birthdays, scheduling playdates, and signing children up for activities; the list goes on.
Over time, this constant state of mental management can create chronic stress, keep us stuck in a state of hypervigilance, and contribute to burnout and exhaustion. Another important factor worth mentioning is the loss of the broader community structures that historically helped support families. In many cultures and earlier generations, childcare, caregiving, and household responsibilities were shared across extended family networks, social circles, or communities. Grandparents, neighbors, and relatives often played an active role in daily life.
Today, in a largely individualistic society, many families live far from extended support systems and are expected to manage everything within a much smaller household unit. Without this shared support, responsibilities that were once distributed across many people now fall on one or two individuals. When the demands placed on women exceed what one woman can reasonably manage, the typical response is to internalize the pressure. Instead of questioning the societal expectations and lack of support systems themselves, many women turn that pressure inward and ask, “Why am I not able to handle this?” The illusions of social media reinforce the idea that other women are managing-even flourishing; and eventually guilt, shame, and feelings of failure compound the exhaustion. Yet the issue is not that women are failing. The issue is that the expectations placed upon them often require more energy, time, and emotional labor than any single person can sustainably deliver.
Recognizing this broader context can be deeply freeing. When we begin to see that our exhaustion, overwhelm, and anxiety are not simply personal shortcomings but understandable responses to sustained pressure, the narrative can shift from self-blame to self-compassion.
Many women have spent years believing they simply needed to try harder, be more organized, or push themselves further. But healing begins when we acknowledge that we were never meant to carry this enormous load alone. Encouragingly, many modern men and partners are evolving in their roles, increasingly participating in caregiving, emotional support, and household responsibilities in ways that previous generations were not expected to. When responsibility is shared more equitably within families and communities, the pressure on women begins to ease.
Support Matters!
Therapy can provide a space to process the weight many women have been holding for years while helping to rebuild healthier boundaries and regulate a nervous system that has been living in constant overdrive. Equally important is the power of community; friends, family, and supportive networks that remind us we are not alone in these struggles. When women begin to share the load, ask for help, and support one another, something powerful happens: the pressure to be everything for everyone begins to soften. In its place, space emerges for lives that are not just hyper-productive, but sustainable, connected, and emotionally healthy.
